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The Pilot Pick a new town Make a fresh start Your fledgling alcoholic And your tart with a heart Give them two kids And two cars Random friends and family Who’ll all play their part We need cookery and romance If we want to make this fly Skeletons in the closet And a spot of diy Guest celebrity appearance At the end of series one If we play our cards right This could run and run On and on and on and It’d be so easy Have a hit on our hands Deconstructing suburbia And our middle class plans Peter Davidson could play the older me I wonder if Shirley Henderson would be free To give your character the necessary punch Maybe after filming we could have them round for lunch You accuse me of poking fun at our lives This treadmill ain’t fun so pass me a knife Meant to be edgy and quirky This film that we’re in With handheld cameras And improvised scripts But we got canned laughter And dodgy quips It’s pure ITV And it’s doing me in |
